The Journey of Unforgiveness


I’m reading a book by Paul Tripp about marriage. It’s called, “What did you expect?” In one chapter he outlines 7 stages that damage marriages. This is my perspective and elaboration on his wisdom.

{7 Stages of Unforgiveness}

1) Immaturity and Failure

It starts when we forget that both of us are sinners; often there is this expectation of a marriage filled with fluffy rainbows and sparkly butterflies and so when our spouse sins against us, we are surprised and react poorly. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on what “poorly” looks like, but for me it has included throwing things, screaming, running away, blaming and other things I am too ashamed to write here. Tripp says this is setting the direction for my marriage in the future.  The thought has changed me and I have resolved to change my behavior, but my changing has come with a new expectation… If I change, he has to as well! Wrong. Does God promise in the Bible that your husband will change if you do? No. It’s hard to come to grips with such a reality and I struggle with it today, but is any obedience to God too hard in light of all that I have been forgiven?

2) Falling into Comfortable Patterns

Trip says “confrontation, confession and forgiveness are all work, it is easier to give way to lower urges (88).” I know what this looks like for me. Without immediate confrontation, confession and forgiveness, I let time pass and begin to compose a long list of negative thoughts. Then I dwell. I once heard someone say that our thought life is like a path. If you walk down a path enough times, it becomes worn and easier to travel on. If I develop a habit of thinking negatively about my husband, it will become easier and easier and will eventually weaken my affection for him. The hard path (Philippians 4:8) is always going to have prickers, mosquitos, logs to stumble over and branches clouding my view. But I heard that if I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on what I understand, he will make my paths straight.

3) Establishing Defenses

The Great Wall of China and the Berlin Wall both had one primary function, to keep enemies out. These monstrosities can be built in my heart. A pattern of negative thinking is followed by me building a wall, posting myself in the watch tower, and if he gets close, I start shooting. This isn’t good. God says, “. . . I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19).” We are called to have tender hearts. This isn’t easy, especially when he/she is being nasty and actively seeking to hurt. No matter what it feels like in the moment, I remind myself that he isn’t the enemy, Satan is. God tear down my walls and change my perspective.

4) Nurturing Dislike

“What did I ever see in you?” I’ve thought that. This is the stage where I can’t remember one good thing about my spouse. Negative thinking again. The path is well worn and at this point it’s even paved! In fact, I’ve installed benches every few yards where I can camp out on a particularly nasty thought. My mom taught me something very valuable here: to get yourself out of this, think of one good thing about him. It could be simple like, “I respect him for going to work,” or, “I respect that he makes the bed every morning.” Even this might be hard, but do it. Camp out on that thought every day and look for more good ones. Build the list and tear down that wall.

5) Becoming Overwhelmed

What it looks like: everyday I wake up and before I have a cup of coffee or brush my teeth, I have put on invisible boxing gloves. They are heavy. I anticipate the same hooks, same jabs, same tactics, every day.  It’s exhausting. Take those gloves off. God is always victorious and he doesn’t need anyone in the ring with him.

6) Envy of Other Couples

This is a major fail in 4 ways: 1st, as a wise Pastor once said, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s green where you water it.” 2nd: who cares if that couple’s marriage is amazing? I must bless them, and pray for my marriage! 3rd, I don’t know what’s going on with other couples. He could be beating her. She might be the biggest nag in the world. I only know what they show. 4th: envying others may cause me to dislike them, not because of anything they have done, but because of my selfishness.

7) Fantasies of Escape

Ladies especially, we go here. Instead of using our wild imaginations to conjure up ideas of how we may be contributing to the issue or if we aren’t the problem, how to help our spouse in their pride, we might instead create a fantasy life where our spouse doesn’t exist and life is as it should be according to us. When I am not careful, I am suddenly driving a beautiful orange Lotus on the way to my Italian villa, not a human in sight. James 1:14-15 says, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” These fantasies are going to have you either very dissatisfied with life or they are going to lead you to do something foolish.


2014 Mazda 6

Alright I’m just going to say it, my car is hot. There.



Keeping to the spirit of Death Penalty Month, let’s review the execution of Pvt. Eddie Slovik. Slovik’s offense: desertion in wartime. (See the tie-in?)

Unlike Bowe Bergdahl, who deserted his unit, according to the accounts of his comrades, Slovik never actually deserted. He also didn’t call America a “disgusting” country or say he was “ashamed to be an American.”

Slovik was just a chicken.

In October 1944, as Allied forces were sweeping through France, Slovik left his position on the front lines, walked to the rear of his unit and handed a note to the cook, confessing his desertion. The letter explained that he was “so scared” that he had already abandoned his unit once, and concluded: “AND I’LL RUN AWAY AGAIN IF I HAVE TO GO OUT THERE.”

Slovik was like Bradley Manning minus the lipstick and eyeliner.

A lieutenant, a company commander and a judge advocate all tried to persuade Slovik to shred the letter and return to his unit, warning him that he’d be tried for desertion otherwise. Slovik refused.

In the middle of World War II, the military court-martialed Slovik, tried him and sentenced him to death.

Allied Supreme Commander Dwight Eisenhower denied Slovik’s pardon request, saying it would encourage more desertions, just as the fighting was getting especially hot. Slovik was executed by firing squad and buried among the numbered graves of court-martialed rapists and murderers in an American military cemetery in France.

Contrast Slovik’s story with the beloved troop whose return just cost us the release of five of the most dangerous terrorists in the world.

Three days before he walked off his base, Bergdahl emailed his parents:

— “I am ashamed to be an american.”

— “The US army is the biggest joke … It is the army of liars, backstabbers, fools and bullies.”

— “These people need help, yet what they get is the most conceited country in the world telling them that they are nothing and that they are stupid.”

— “The horror that is america is disgusting.”

These emails were given to the author of a 2012 Rolling Stone article on the case by Bergdahl’s own parents.

The overwrought soldier’s father, Bob, emailed back: “OBEY YOUR CONSCIENCE!” And then, according to the Rolling Stone profile reporting these emails — as well as the Army report on the incident — Bergdahl “decided to walk away.”

Bergdahl’s unit commander, Evan Buetow, told CNN’s Jake Tapper that intercepted Taliban “chatter” soon revealed that Bergdahl was looking for a member of the Taliban who spoke English. (Other than his father.)

Buetow said he couldn’t prove it, but he believed Bergdahl began helping the Taliban attack his own unit. After that, Buetow says, the assaults were much more direct, and Bergdahl would have known the unit’s tactics and how they would respond to an attack.

U.S. forces in the area spent the next two months on a single mission: trying to find Bergdahl. It is beyond dispute that any American killed during that time was killed on a mission to “rescue” Bergdahl from his new comrades.

Over the years, the Taliban produced several propaganda videos with Bergdahl — eating, doing push-ups and criticizing American foreign policy.

During the Vietnam War, POW Navy Vice Admiral James Stockdale disfigured himself so that he could not be used in a propaganda video. He slit his wrists to avoid being tortured for information.

When captured Navy aviator Jeremiah Denton was forced by the North Vietnamese to make a propaganda video, he blinked the word T-O-R-T-U-R-E in Morse code, over and over again, as he said these words:

“I don’t know what is going on in the war now. My only sources are North Vietnamese radio, magazines and newspapers. But whatever the position of my government, I agree with it. I support it. I will support it as long as I live.”

It was the first confirmation the U.S. had that the North Vietnamese were torturing POWs.

These men — and many more — had limbs torn from their sockets, their legs and backs shattered by the North Vietnamese. As Denton said of the repeated torture, he’d rather lose an arm than his honor.

When right-wingers get choked up about “the troops,” these are the sort of men we’re thinking of. Not Bowe “America is disgusting” Bergdahl.

But to Obama, Bergdahl was the picture of American manhood and military honor.

He released five of the most dangerous terrorists in the world — captured at great cost to our military — in order to give Bergdahl an exit plan from his Great Adventure. (Before he ever set foot in Afghanistan, Bergdahl had told a fellow soldier, “If this deployment is lame, I’m just going to walk off into the mountains of Pakistan.”)

Bergdahl wasn’t being “left behind” or “left on the battlefield.” He was being left where he wanted to be, with the poor, innocent Talibanists, far away from this “disgusting” country that made him “ashamed to be an American.”



Young Moola Baby

This kid online thinks he’s a rapper.  Every other day he cranks out a painfully long “rap” where he is rhyming “hoe” with “go” and “money” with “honey.” He loves to write about his guns and swag. I’m certain he’s never seen a gun before and I’m not so sure about the swag.  He rhymed swag with “I’ve got so much it makes my dog wag.” God help us.  

Binny’s Beverage Depot


I was looking for a good hard cider. I popped onto the internet, first option: Binny’s of course. Then I see all these reviews about the store.  How does anyone review a Binny’s?  Alcohol, lots of it, everywhere, of every variety you could ever want. BOOM! There’s your review.  Other than that, there’s not much left to say…I could complain a little.  I get that they need to card the crap out of us all, but they go a little too far at times. “I’ve seen your driver’s license and military ID, but do you by chance carry your passport with you young lady?”  LOL Get out of here.